


if there’s a light in the dark, I need it now

by MANIAvinyl



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Car Crash Trigger Warning, Crying, Depression, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hospital Trigger Warning, Hurt, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Stephen Strange, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, IronStrange, Like it’s sad but it’s not too bad you’ve probably seen sadder, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Other, Panic, Panic Attacks, Parent Stephen Strange, Parent Tony Stark, Protective Tony Stark, References to Depression, Sad, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21844840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MANIAvinyl/pseuds/MANIAvinyl
Summary: Somehow, Stephen Strange convinces Tony Stark to road trip with him through the midwest. But as they hurdle through cornfields and farms, Tony has a nightmare, reaches for the steering wheel, and throws them into traffic.Tony doesn’t know what happened, just that his heart rate is far too high, his ears ring like all hell, the seatbelt rash on his neck stings like a bitch, and that the only two people he has left to love in this world are in the back of an ambulance, driving away.TW: Car crashes, hospitals, (spoiler: don’t worry nobody dies) panic attacks, depression
Relationships: IronStrange - Relationship, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Stephen Strange, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Comments: 2
Kudos: 92





	if there’s a light in the dark, I need it now

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading please enjoy!

First of all, why did they decide to travel through the night?

What good ever happens on the road past midnight? Where even were they anyways?

Tony kicked his feet up on the dashboard, tilting his head to the side so he could see Stephen’s side profile. 

“Feet off the dash,” Stephen scolded, a bit of a smile on his lips. He was kidding.

Tony bit his cheek, eyes focusing on the road ahead of them. There seemed to be a hundred miles of this cracked, one lane highway, so much so that it just melted into the horizon. The street lights seemed to blend together.

“Do you even know where we are?” Tony asked. 

“I believe I saw the ‘Welcome to Indiana’ sign a few hours back.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Tony groaned. “Don’t even tell me how far that is from Wisconsin.”

“It’s really not bad. Ten hours, maybe?”

“I said don’t tell me!” Tony snorted. 

“Sorry.”

They fell into comfortable silence for a while, listening to the local radios as they fade into static after a few miles. 

Tony sort of hated the way he could hear the wheels through the floor of the car and the rattle of something near the back, but also, in a strange way, he loved it. 

Stephen had his ways with him, he realized. There was still love for the man who somehow convinced him to get off his 12 billion dollar ass and into a 2007 Toyota SUV to road trip through the midwest— all for a little ski retreat. Love for the barren beauty of the midwestern states, love for understanding of a different way of life.

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep,” Stephen suggested, after about an hour.

“Like Peter?” Tony said, turning his head around.

Peter was asleep in the backseat, taking over the entire row, a red blanket draped over him.

Stephen laughed, looking back. “Yeah, sure.”

Tony smiled, but now that love was laced with sorrow. He looked around at this stitched-up family, cooped up in this tiny Toyota: a doctor with broken hands and a broken heart that Tony couldn’t quite figure out; a lonely, genius kid who lost the last bit of his real family fourteen months ago in the snap; and then himself. A neurotic, wired-up maniac who somehow got lucky enough to land a slot in life next to these two.

There should’ve been a fourth. Fourteen months ago, there was a fourth. 

She was the only thing stopping Tony from fully falling for Stephen. The idea of her ever coming back, the longing he felt when he thought of her, the memory of her gentle smile and soft green eyes. He couldn’t quite remember the shade.

Her laugh rang in his ears again, and he was happy that the memory of her that remained was one so warm and sweet.

“I miss her,” Tony whispered, hesitant even though he had no reason to be.

Stephen was silent for a moment. Tony knew he wasn’t angry, that the entire notion of love and sacrifice and what was deemed “normal” was stripped to the bone and reinvented entirely the day that the titan snapped his fingers. That affection had a new meaning these days, and that the old rules of relationship and fear don’t apply anymore. 

“I know,” was all Stephen said. It was all he really could say. 

He couldn’t think about guilt, or anything, because he knows some day it will consume him. But for now he refused to let that happen.

He just turned he radio higher, not minding the dull static that creeped through the sound waves, tilted his head back, and tried to sleep.

—

In an odd way, he sort of knew he was dreaming. He knew that the uneasy feeling in his stomach didn’t come from anything external, just from somewhere inside his mind, yet still, he couldn’t make it stop. 

His stomach churned as he noticed the glint of a loaded .45 in someone’s hand. It wasn’t even someone he could see, really, just some shadowy figure, but in that instance he realized exactly where he was. 

He recalled the way his head felt light and heavy at the same time as water was poured into his mouth and nose, the way his lungs seemed to fill, and made his chest ache. A sense of helplessness crawled through his veins, made its way to his head. And then nothing made sense.

He heard the sound of bubbling water and panic shot up his spine— he couldn’t go through that again. He didn’t think he would make it.

There was movement dancing around him, and even though he shouted at them, nobody faltered. Nobody dared look at him, the white man in a cave full of terrorists. He was helpless. 

He reached forward suddenly, trying to grab hold of the handgun in someone’s back pocket, as if maybe, somehow, that’s how he could prevent all of this from happening. Somehow, he could save himself another round of torture.

His hand gripped the gun, the long end, and only then did he hear someone shouting. And then there was a skidding, screeching sound, and then a bang. His head jolted forward as if someone had pushed him from behind, and his neck hurt.

Tony’s eyes were wide open by the time he came to his senses, but all he could see was a blur of light, and then he looked down at his own hand reaching across the middle console, gripping the steering wheel. 

All he knew was that they were spinning, and a side of their car had been hit. His head swam, and his ears rang with Stephen’s panicked shouting. And... and there was somebody else in the car, too. Tony turned around, eyes frantic, and then suddenly his body lurched forward and the familiar sound of metal on metal rang in his ears, and then there was black.

—

“Tony!” Stephen shouted, a hand wrapped around his arm. “Tony, you need to get up.”

Tony blinked slowly, vision blurred. He tried to speak, but his throat seemed to close up.

But then Stephen was gone, busy with something in the backseat. Tony looked up out of the shattered front dashboard, noticing that cars were still flying by in front of them— they were on the side of the highway, now. Someone next to his car was on the phone.

He pushed his way out of the car, nearly collapsing on the dusty floor. The air outside was surprisingly cold for a fall night.

He looked back at Stephen, trying to grab hold of Peter, and Tony caught a glimpse of blood on Stephen’s hands. His heartbeat spiked, and throbbing panic closed in. His lungs seemed to close up.

What was going on? What had happened? God, he couldn’t even remember. All he felt was the plummeting fear that something was very, very wrong. The stranger next to him was talking, and he heard him say the words mile 326, and Tony knew then that they needed an ambulance.

Stephen had turned him away when he tried to help with Peter. Tony didn’t know how long it was before the ambulance got there, but he was sure he’s spent most of that time trying like hell to calm himself down.

There were flashing lights everywhere now, and Tony’s chest seemed to constrict again as the fear set in. Would Peter be okay? Was this all his fault? 

It must have been his fault. He must have moved the wheel, thrown them out into another car, sent them spinning on the highway.

Now somebody’s arm was on his shoulder.

He spun, eyes wild, heart seeming to crawl up his throat. He heard the person shout to someone behind him, and just as another round of panic was starting to kick in, a weighted blanket was placed around his shoulders. They waited a few minutes until Tony’s breathing rate was nearly back to normal.

“I’m Willie,” the person in front of him said, talking slowly. Tony blinked, trying to focus, noticing the EMT vest. Part of him was relieved. “Can you tell me your name?”

Tony took in a shuddering breath, focusing on Willie and nothing else, because he was sure that if he let his eyes wander, his mind would wander, too. 

“Tony Stark.”

“Alright. Good. Do you know what’s going on here?”

“We hit a car.”

“Yes, that’s right.” 

“How is Peter?”

“Can you remind me who Peter is?”

“The— the kid. I— I don’t— I don’t know if... I know Stephen was there, but—“

“We can’t disclose any information right now,” Michael explained. 

Helplessness seemed to rise yet again, but before Tony could open his mouth, Willie continued.

“We’re taking him to Spring County Memorial Hospital. It’s about a half-hour north.”

There were so many questions Tony had, but then Willie was already walking away, and Tony didn’t have it in him to follow him to the ambulance. So instead he let his legs collapse underneath him, staring at the smashed side of the little silver Toyota, trying like hell not to notice the smear of blood near the handle, or the drops underneath. 

—

Stephen had gone with Peter to the hospital, Tony later heard, after he’d calmed down enough to start asking questions. He’d gotten on the phone with Stephen about an hour after they left.

“Tony, I’m sorry,” was the first thing Stephen said to him. Tony blinked.

“What?” 

“I had to focus on Peter first. I know you have your anxiety problem, but I couldn’t— I had to pick which was more important.” Stephen sounded stressed, and Tony hoped it wasn’t because of him.

“I’m not upset,” Tony murmured. “I know. I understand. H- How is he? What happened?”

“They won’t let me in yet.” Only then could Tony hear the way Stephen’s voice was shaking, and his heart shattered. “I— They’re not telling me anything. I don’t know what to do.”

Tony felt sick. “It’s my fault.”

“We can talk about that later, alright?” Stephen sounded scared, and Tony knew not to push it. “Not right now.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Tony shut his eyes. “Once we tow the car I’ll get an uber to the hospital.”

“Okay. Keep your phone on you in case anything changes,” Stephen murmured. “Just... get over here soon.”

Anxiety climbed up his throat. “Yeah, of course.”

He wanted Stephen to tell him it would be okay, like he always does, but the comforting words didn’t come. 

Tony could almost touch the panic surrounding him. “Okay. I’ll let you know.”

“Alright.” 

Tony brought his phone down, clicking the center button and taking a deep breath. 

The churning feeling was back, the one that wordlessly told him that everything was wrong.

—

The stranger, the person in the other car, stayed with Tony for the tow trucks. 

He had introduced himself as Larry. Tony could tell that he was trying not to act starstruck, but it wasn’t every day that you run into— literally, with a car— one of the most famous people of the twenty-first century.

They had exchanged insurance information, but Tony had assured him that any additional expenses would be covered by him personally. 

“So, uh... how... what brings you to Indiana?” Larry asked after a while.

“Road trip,” Tony responded. “You?”

“I live north of Spring Valley,” Larry said. “I was visiting my nephew in Frankfort.”

“How old is your nephew?” Tony asked, mostly just to kill time. 

“Eleven,” he said. “He’s the coolest kid, man. baseball star, killing it in school...”

Tony smiled at that.

“You know, it hasn’t been easy for him. Lost his mom— my sister— and his younger brother.”

Tony swallowed, stomach starting to churn. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Larry looked up at the street. Even though it was late, cars still passed by. “Life goes on, though. You know?”

Tony just nodded. 

Larry stepped away to take a call, and Tony was left there staring at the smashed side of Stephen’s car once again. 

Life goes on.

—

By the time the Uber dropped Tony off at the hospital, it was well after three in the morning. The sky had a unnerving glow to it, even out here away from the big cities, and for some reason it made Tony feel even more hopeless than before.

He had to argue his way through the front desk, and usually he can put up a good fight without letting emotions get to him, but this time the second he walked away he felt the sting of tears. He managed to swallow it down until he reached the double doors that lead to the waiting area for the surgical rooms.

He stood in front of the doors, watching through the cloudy glass as people moved about on the other side, and that’s when something broke. The supporting beam inside of him that held everything together crumbled. Hot, salty tears poured down his cheeks, and he felt like falling to the ground. Except he couldn’t, not here, in the hallway of some lousy hospital in the middle of nowhere, so he leaned his back against the wall and let the silent sobs wrack his body. He tilted his head back and shut his eyes tight, feeling tears sting beneath his eyelids.

He heard somebody on the other side turn the door handle, and he quickly lifted his hands to cover his face, a last-ditch effort to keep his appearance up. 

“Oh, Tony,” Stephen murmured, standing in front of him, letting the door fall shut.

Tony willed himself to respond, but he couldn’t make the right sound, and he couldn’t control the way his lungs gasped for air. His face burned with guilt that he couldn’t escape and a sinking fear that seemed to tear him apart, molecule by molecule, memory by memory.

His shoulders shook, and that’s when Stephen seemed to decide that enough was enough. He wrapped his arms around Tony, resting one hand on the back of his head as he fell into his chest, breaking down again.

It wasn’t entirely comfortable, but Stephen stayed there anyways until Tony had gotten over that initial state and could speak a little clearer. 

“H-how is he?” Tony asked, whispering.

“I don’t know,” Stephen responded. “They’re not giving me any information. He wasn’t conscious, Tony, when I pulled him out.”

“Jesus.” Tony swallowed, heartbeat pounding. “I don’t— I cant—“

“Shh,” Stephen murmured. “Strong, remember?”

“How was he the one who got hurt? How come it wasn’t one of us?”

“He was laying down right by the side that got T-boned,” Stephen explained softly.

Tony looked up at him, eyes focusing on a few deep scratches by Stephen’s temple. He lifted his hand, tracing the outline.

“What’s this?”

“Nothing,” Stephen murmured. “Some glass got lose.”

“Stitches?”

“No, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Oh.” Tony leaned back against the wall again, watching Stephen with tired eyes. He was sort of beautiful like this, Tony realized, with his messy hair and red-rimmed eyes and scratched-up skin. Or maybe it was just Tony, and this altered, emotional state of mind.

Stephen flashed a small smile nonetheless. “Should we go inside? Are you okay to go inside?” He asked after a moment.

Tony swallowed, wiping his face one last time, and nodded.

They walked through the doors, finding a vacant corner to sit down and figure all that shit out.

“Firstly— okay. What are we going to do about the car?” 

“Oh. Yeah, I mean... we mashed the front pretty bad, and of course the whole left side. It’s really just not drivable at this point.”

“Donate it for parts?”

“That’s what I’m thinking.”

“The other guy... is he okay?” Stephen tapped his fingers on the armrest.

“Yeah, he’s fine, thank god. Needs a new car, though.”

“Insurance covers that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

There was a lull in the conversation, and Tony heard Stephen take a deep, shaky breath, and he knew what was coming.

“Before you say anything, I’m not saying this is your fault at all.”

“What a way to start a sentence,” Tony muttered.

“Come on, just hear me out. You... it was a nightmare, I know. But... you’ve never done that before, have you? Done something dangerous in your sleep?”

Tony shivered, recalling a time that felt like ages ago, laying next to her in their bed as a eight-foot metal monster towered over them because of the sensors he’d triggered during a night terror.

“Only once or twice.”

Stephen paused, exasperated. “Once or twice is more than never.”

“You know, I was the one who was _asleep_ ,” Tony pointed out, voice growing bitter. “Why couldn’t you have just stopped me? You were the one _driving_.”

Stephen narrowed his eyes. “I’m not playing the blame game here,” he shot back.

“Well, I am,” Tony muttered, exhaustion letting frustration get the best of him. “Shouldn’t you be in control of the car? Why did you even let this happen in the first place?”

“Don’t do this, Tony,” Stephen growled.

“You’re just mad because you couldn’t stop it.”

“No, I’m mad because I’m a surgeon and I’m in a hospital but I can’t do anything,” he snapped. Tony fell silent. “I’m not mad at myself, and I’m not mad at you.” 

Tony blinked at the sadness that laced Stephen’s words, and his emotions took a full 180. The anger dropped, and he watched closely as Stephen pressed his lips together, eyes glinting with tears. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered, heart dropping. And he was. “I didn’t mean— I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Stephen shook his head, and Tony could see the way his strength was faltering, and that sort of broke Tony’s heart. Because usually, Stephen was the one to bring Tony back to the surface when he sank too low— the one who cleared Tony’s head when things got too cloudy. It hurt to see him be the one to break down like this.

“Stephen, listen to me,” Tony whispered. “It’ll be fine. We’ll get home soon, once Peter’s good to travel.”

“I know.” Stephen inhaled shakily. He lifted his hands up to rub under his eyes. “I know... I just... it’s been a long night.”

“Yeah.” Tony looked at the floor. 

“And— and they wouldn’t let me see him, you know?” Stephen’s voice had started to waver. “And I— I tried to get in, tried to argue, because I’m his legal guardian, right? And they just wouldn’t let me, and I don’t know why, and— and it’s been _hours_ , Tony, I don’t... I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“We just wait,” Tony murmured. 

“I guess so.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony repeated softly. “I am.”

“I know.” His voice sounded thick, and Tony almost knew what was going to happen next.

Tony reached for Stephen’s hand, holding it between his. He stared down at them, rubbing cicles into the back of Stephen’s, and for some reason this whole situation reminded him of when they met. 

What was with the two of them and chaos?

Before he could answer that question he felt Stephen’s head fall into his chest. It didn’t look comfortable at all, but at least there were no armrests between them, and he figured comfort wasn’t the goal here. Tony lifted his right arm up and over Stephen, letting it fall between his shoulder and neck. His other hand gripped Stephen’s tightly, as if to say _I’m here_.

Tony looked up, at the pale, olive green, grayish walls of this waiting room, as the person he loved most in this world broke into nothing more than silent sobs and exhaustion.

He thought about waiting rooms, and how they should really make them more comfortable for the kind of business they’re in. He thought about the highway system, the web of roadways that connect them all, like synapses of a brain, bringing about people and ideas to all corners of the world. 

He thought about Peter, and this strange place called Spring County, Indiana, on a strange place called Earth. And what a chance they were given to even be alive at all, to be able to be hurt, and angry, and sad, and... happy. 

Tony didn’t throw the word epiphany around a lot, because it loses its meaning after a while. He‘s only had two in his life— one after watching the movie Harvey, and another one about thirteen months ago when he realized that everything that happened now was extra. He wasn’t supposed to live past that day on Titan, so it didn’t matter what happened afterwards. 

And now... and now, he was here. In Spring County, Indiana, United States, Planet Earth— somehow still alive, somehow still hurting, yet somehow still holding the potential to be happy. And maybe this was epiphany, and maybe not, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the now, the present, the way that time stood infinitely still yet infinitely set in motion, the two of them as two beings, together, in the vastness of space.

—

Less than an hour later, a doctor stepped out of the side door. Tony spun around, waking Stephen in the process. 

The doctor let them see him finally, telling them that he’d had surgery on his left elbow (which, apparently, is why they couldn’t see him for so long), two cracked ribs, and a mild concussion. 

He was still out when the two of them walked through the door. Tony decided that he hated hospital doors.

Stephen rushed to the bed immediately, trying to examine Peter the best he could. His arm was already in a cast, and Stephen muttered something in frustration which Tony couldn’t hear. 

Tony felt strange. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he didn’t feel right so he decided to sit down in one of those uncomfortable chairs next to the hospital bed, just like the ones in the waiting room.

He stared at Peter as he slept, or whatever this drug-induced sleep was. Stephen joined him at the other chair after a moment, saying something medical that Tony didn’t bother to comprehend. Instead, he found himself drifting to sleep, guilt raging heavy in his heart and an empty uneasiness that seemed to be part of his bloodstream. 

And yet, the sun still seemed to be just under the horizon, and as Tony felt himself falling asleep, there was a sense of hope; they’d gotten through the night. And they will get through the next one.

And life will always go on.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if u liked it, perhaps check out my other works too if you would like!


End file.
